Sober January is a disaster.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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