Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
