i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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