I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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