I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
