that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
