You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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