here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
