my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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