True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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