she woke up with a sticky ear
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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