You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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