they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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