Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
