You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
