So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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