i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
