I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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