I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
