Soap is not a condiment
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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