Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
