i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
