that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
