i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
