I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish i was in the wii world.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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