Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
