so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
