my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
