i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
