I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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