I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
