I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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