If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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