I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
