Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's the barista slut.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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