Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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