there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
