Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
