just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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