I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
