I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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