Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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