New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
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It's just like the Real World with babies
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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