I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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