Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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