Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
