A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
