sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
