You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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