my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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