Do you still have your period?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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