I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
