Pappa wants mamma naked
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
