and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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