Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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