Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
