guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
