Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
