Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
