I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
