PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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