your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Alive.
So much puke
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
