we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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