He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
