His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
