worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
