Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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