Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
