i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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