they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
