I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
