I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
