you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
